3 Questions To Help You Process A Disappointment

“Disappointments are like weeds in the garden. You can let them grow and take over your life, or you can rout them out and let the flowers sprout” ~ Wanda E. Brunstetter

It’a a new year! A time to start fresh. Many enthusiastically make “new year’s resolutions,” putting a stake of faith in the ground to reach new ambitions this year. They are motivated to reach goals like losing weight, being more disciplined with their time, their money, or perhaps this is the year of finally getting rid of a bad habit. There’s a multitude of new year’s resolutions.

For many, however, a new year brings with it reminders of previous disappointments.

Many feel hopeless and weary at the beginning of another year. People are reminded of the failures, sorrow, and pain they have in their lives. A new year is just a harsh reminder of the lack of fulfillment they live with. Nothing seems to have changed in a year and on top of this, God seems far away.

The reality is, disappointments are a part of life and if processed properly they can refine character and bring spiritual growth.

This year, on the first day of 2024, I, was hit with disappointment first thing in the morning. It came in an unexpected way. I did something I don’t normally do-I went on social media first thing in the morning. Normally, I do not go on social media until after my time with Jesus. I have no idea what made me grab my phone and get on Instagram, but I did. The first thing I saw was a reel someone very dear to me had posted, a recap of their 2023. I felt excitement rise within me as I was sure to be in this individuals’ reel. After all, I was a big part of their life. To my dismay, I was barely in their reel. I felt so disappointed, and even hurt. What surprised me even more was the tears that welled up inside of me. I layed there on the morning of a new year and began to weep because I wasn’t highlighted in someone’s reel! I know it sounds so silly, but this was my reality.

Immediately, I sensed the Father say to me, “Stop crying Tweeny. I need you to be a warrior this year!”

Right away I realized this was an attack on me by the enemy of my soul, Satan. He used an old trick, using the spirit of rejection, and whispering the lie that has always played in my head that “people don’t like you.” I straightened up and out loud commanded the evil one to leave me alone and to get out of my space. How dare he attack me on the first day of a new year!

Disappointments are a weapon used by Satan to try to make God’s people feel weak and defeated.

As I already mentioned, disappointments are a part of life. We will be let down, even by those we are closest to. We can even feel dissatisfaction with God, especially when things don’t go the way we hoped they would. Yet, if we can learn to see disappointments as opportunities for personal growth, we can learn so much from the times we feel let down. And with the help of God we can overcome our disappointments and be stronger individuals because of them.

What I have learned through times of disappointment is that God is always, always, always good.

In the moment, when something happens and we feel discontentment, it may not feel like God is being good to us. We can feel shocked as we process a gamut of emotions. These could be feelings of failure, hurt, sadness, and/or rejection. It’s painful facing times of discouragement. However, if you lean on the Lord and process your adversity with Him (and with another human being), you can find peace. Trusting that God’s hand is on your disappointments is important.

God’s blessings are upon you (in disguise) during times of disappointment.

However, it doesn’t mean it’s easy to process the setback you feel. Here are three questions to help you process a disappointment. [Please note, I am not referring to times of grief and trauma, such as in the death of a loved one].

First, ask the Lord, what He wants to teach you through this disappointment? God is sovereign and He is always trying to refine our character. It’s a good habit to go first to Him with your frustration and be still with Him. Ask Him any questions you have with your situation. He says, “Ask me and I will tell you remarkable secrets you do not know about things to come” (Jeremiah 33:3). God desires more than anything that you be authentic with Him. He sees you and knows your weaknesses, and He promises that His power works best in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9a).

In my situation above, the Lord showed me that in order for me to be strong this year, I will need to work on the man pleasing spirit I often wrestle with and not allow it to control me. He also impressed on my heart that He wants me to be alert and aware to the tricks of the enemy. 1 Thessalonians 5:6 tells us to do so; “So be on your guard, not asleep like the others. Stay alert and be clear headed.”

Ask God, “Father, what’s the lesson in this disappointment for me?”

A second question to ask yourself when you are feeling let down is, were my expectations unrealistic or too high? I have heard it said that “expectations are resentments waiting to happen.” It’s wise to keep all expectations at a realistic level. This isn’t always easy, especially with people you are close with. It is good practice, however, to be clear on the difference between your needs and your expectations. Keep in mind, that people will always let us down, but God will not. Allow Him to meet your every need. In Philippians 4:19 we are told this truth; “I am convinced that my God will fully satisfy every need you have…”

A third question you can ask yourself when you are struggling with a disappointment is am I submitted to the leadership and lordship of the Lord? Another way to phrase this is, do you really believe that God has His best for you? Sometimes when we don’t get a job we wanted, or we weren’t asked to be in a leadership role at church, you can feel as if God has let you down. However, nothing could be further from the truth. When the Lord shuts a door for you, it’s because He is either protecting you from something, and He has something better or different for you. He wants His very best for you. Living surrendered to Him isn’t always easy. It’s human nature to think we know what’s good for us. Fully trusting God does not come naturally. The truth is, however, God desires to bless us, His beloved children.

He is a good and loving Father, as Psalm 145:17 says, “The Lord is righteous in everything He does; He is filled with kindness.”

Acceptance plays a big role in overcoming disappointments. Accepting the reality of your circumstances, and then choosing to let go of the hurt and pain you are feeling to a powerful and compassionate God is important. I’m not suggesting you ignore your feelings, but rather fully acknowledge the reality and your emotions about your circumstances, but then process the disappointment. Don’t let it harbor within you. Trust the Lord with every detail of your life (Psalm 139:16). Accept that you have little control over most everything in life.

You do, however, have control over your attitude and how you response to life’s disappointments.

The Lord needs His people to be sharp and alert today more than ever. He needs us to be warriors for Him and His kingdom here on earth. We must stand firm against the enemy and refuse to allow him a foothold in our lives through disappointments. Are you ready to be a warrior for Christ? Then be aware of Satan’s deceitful ways and process your disappointments right away. Don’t let them simmer in your thoughts and your heart, because that’s where they will begin to grow heavier and uglier. May these three questions help you learn from your disappointments, and may you seek God to help you overcome them.

A very blessed New Year to you and your loved ones!

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.“~ Romans 8:28

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