The Unexpected Reward We Receive From Irritating People

“You thought the problem was them, but what if…it’s you?” ~ Kelly Balarie

We all have those people in our lives, you know…the ones that trigger, annoy and irritate us. They’re often in our families-a spouse, child, a sibling, in-law, etc. However, they can also be a neighbor, a co-worker or just an acquaintance. These individuals seem to somehow bring out the worst in us.

Our natural instinct is to avoid irritating people. However, there is an unexpected lesson we can learn from these relationships.

I myself often struggle with feelings of irritation with someone that I actually really love. This individual is very special to me, but we are very different. I wrestle with embracing this individual because of our differences. Recently, however, it came to a head for me and I felt really sad about how frustrated I was feeling with this person.

As I began to pray and seek the Lord on why my spirit was so restless, I sensed His gentle nudging speak to my heart; “Tweeny, put on your God-goggles and pick up that God-mirror to take a look at yourself. This is more about what I want to refine in your character, than it is about the other person.” This, of course, was not what I wanted to hear. Isn’t it true that it’s more comfortable to just blame the irritating individual in our lives?

The unexpected reward we receive from people that frustrate us is to see them as a gift from God, purposefully planted in our pathway by Him, to teach us a valuable lesson.

God uses every relationship we have to refine us, to help us become more like Jesus. As Christians, our highest calling is to walk in love. He uses those people that are different than us to guide us into how to live to a higher standard, to live Christ’s way. Learning to accept and embrace the irritating people in our lives teaches us how to love like Jesus loves. Loving others, and especially loving those that are a hard to love is one of His commandments, for Jesus told us, “Love each other just as much as I have loved you. For when you demonstrate the same love I have for you by loving one another, everyone will know that you’re my true followers” (John 13:34-35).

But practically speaking, how do we handle people that are different than us, people that irritate us?

I believe the first step is to admit to yourself, the Lord and to another human being the frustration you are having. It’s very healing to voice out loud what our inner struggles are. Sharing our burdens with a trusted friend shines Christ’s light on what the enemy wants us to keep in darkness (Galatians 6:2). God created us for community, and one reason is to help one another towards growth and healing. 

The next thing you can do when struggling with someone that frustrates you is to ask God to give you His heart for the individual that you are feeling annoyed with. I’ve done this many times, and trust me, God is faithful to show you how He sees the person you are struggling with. One time I prayed this way, and He showed me the person I was struggling with as a little child. I immediately felt my irritation be replaced with compassion.

Ask God for everything you may need in order to embrace the person you are struggling with. You could ask for self-control, the wisdom to speak in love, courage to speak words of encouragement and kindness. Honestly, we can’t love people that irritate us in our own strength. We need the power of the Holy Spirit to help us. But we must ask Him for help.

Something else to help with handling irritating people, is to focus on the good within them. Everyone has good and bad in them. None of us are perfect. My husband often jokingly will say to me, “take the good with the bad honey!” His words have a lot of truth in them. We must learn to choose to focus on the good in others. Doing this will help us tremendously in accepting and loving them as they are. After all, the Lord loves us the way we are, doesn’t He?

When we live in the ways of the Lord, we receive much more in return.

The unexpected reward we receive from irritating people is that we have the opportunity to become more Christ like as we learn to love the way Christ loves us-unconditionally. Moreover, God will bless you with His supernatural peace that surpasses all human understanding (Philippians 4:7).

Living for Christ feels restricting, but in actuality it’s freeing. It sets us free from bondage when we can say with authentic joy , “I am no longer a slave to the irritation I feel from someone that is created differently than I am.” (click here to read “Purging the Poison of An Offense“).

The people in our lives that irritate us are used by God to help us take a sincere look at the condition of our own hearts and to see the depth of our love. The next time you feel annoyed by someone, may you have a different perspective. I hope you pause to take an honest look at yourself and deal with your own blind spots (Matthew 7:3-5), because the problem is not with them, it’s within you. Take the time to process your feelings-admit your struggles, focus on the good in others, and ask God to help you.

The fullness of life, the abundant life, is a life lived for Christ.

It’s living in His peace and joy, free of irritation, judgment, bitterness, resentment and unrest. As His followers we ought to long to be like Him, to love like He does, and hence, be an accurate representation of Him here on earth. May you and I be Jesus’s agents of healing by showing His love to this hurting world.

“Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate? ² Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose.” ~ Philippians 2:1-2