What Does It Mean To Be True To Yourself?

“There is a fine line between being a good Christian and being an enabler.”

Years ago, at a leaders meeting for a recovery ministry I was a part of, one of the small group leaders brought up a dilemma someone in their group was having; whether or not to stay in their verbally abusive marriage, or separate. The leader wanted our feedback on this situation. It was an interesting conversation as there were opposing views on the matter. Then one of the leaders said something I have never forgotten. He said,

“There is a fine line between being a good Christian and being an enabler.“

It’s true that sometimes it is hard to discern what is Christ like and what is codependent or unhealthy behavior. It can be especially challenging for Christians because many of us have been taught that expressing your own needs and wants is selfish. Especially since God’s word tells us to think of others before yourself (Philippians 2:3).

This difficulty to express our our needs is not only limited to abusive relationships. Many times this behavior can manifest itself in not knowing how to say no to a friend or a ministry opportunity. If the thought has ever crossed your mind “I wish I could say no to this” or “I wish this person would stop treating me this way” then perhaps, like me, you too struggle with being true to yourself.

It takes wisdom, grace and courage to be true to yourself. Most of us are not taught to value our own feelings. However, the truth is that our own needs are equally as important as the needs of others. We respect ourselves when we pay attention to our own feelings, and needs.

Self-respect and self-esteem are learned in the child developmental years. If we have been raised in a dysfunctional home, we will not learn that our feelings and needs are valid. Having grown up in an alcoholic home myself, I was forced to accept adult roles at a very young age. I became a caretaker and fixer. I carried burdens of worry, fear and anxiety at a young age and was always more concerned about the needs of others than my own needs.

The most devastating effect of growing up with alcoholism was that I lost the little girl inside of me.

Growing up in an unstable home, where life was full of tension, I was afraid to rock the boat, and hence never learned to think about my own needs. Consequently, I stuffed my feelings and grew up to become a very apprehensive young adult with low self-respect and self-esteem.

It wasn’t until I was in my forty’s and my life, including my marriage, fell apart that I found myself at the doorsteps of a 12 Step program. I thank Jesus for leading me to this support group, because it was here that He met me to teach me a valuable life lesson; I am valuable. Even though I was forty years old, inside I was a very wounded child of God’s. Learning how to be true to myself meant being true to God first by honoring His creation.

My healing has come from learning what it means to nurture and love the little child inside of me.

The healing love of Jesus Christ, therapy and support groups have shown me how to accept all of me-my strengths and my shortcomings. It’s a process, but I am learning that I matter. Part of embracing who I am means being brave enough to live a life where I not only accept myself unconditionally, but where I also have the courage to ask others to treat me with respect. When people in our lives treat us in hurtful or abusive ways, we have to have the confidence to know that we don’t deserve it.

Learning to love and accept yourself unconditionally is the beginning of being true to yourself.

Seeing myself through God’s perspective has helped me to believe in myself, as well as understand what it means to be true to myself. Loving yourself as God loves you means being gentle with yourself and having the confidence that your feelings are valid. 

The voices in our head that tell us that we’re not good enough, and that other people’s needs matter more than yours, are lies from the enemy. Self-respect and self-esteem is built when you learn to protect yourself from unacceptable behavior. It all starts with believing that you deserve to be treated well. This in itself can be challenging. This is why we need others to guide and encourage us.

Having accountability partners, a sponsor or a mentor is one of the keys to healthy living.

I have had a sponsor for years. She has been Jesus with flesh on for me. My sponsor’s own journey to wholeness has given me hope for myself. She has shown me how to love and accept myself, the way God does. I have learned that part of self respect means I have choices, and that it’s okay to simply say “no” to a request. I’m not a victim. If I am in a toxic relationship, I can detach with love from that person, instead of retaliating or feeling like I have to defend myself. I can also choose to walk away.

First identify your needs and then believe you deserve it.

Having the confidence to believe you deserve to be treated well is difficult. However, sharing our battles with someone trustworthy helps. We can ask God to plant the right people in our lives to help us. There were many that crossed paths with me that gently but firmly encouraged me to see myself as the woman God had intended for me to be; a woman that deserves to be treated with love and respect. A woman who’s feelings matter.

So, what does it mean to be true to yourself? It means honoring the person that God created when He created you. He made you in His image. You are His beloved. Having confidence in yourself means you believe you are worthy, and that it’s not selfish to ask others to treat you with integrity. Refuse to be an enabler to someone else’s unhealthiness by allowing them to treat you in ways that do not reflect the image of God in you. Be brave enough to put up boundaries with people who repeatedly hurt you. The truth is, we have to respect ourselves first before others will respect us.

You are His beloved and made beautiful in His image.

Being true to yourself means validating your worth through God, and God only. Your inner peace doesn’t have to be found at the price of your self worth and dignity. Choosing to take healthy steps to regain your dignity and self worth, is being true to yourself.

Today, I am a stronger, more confident woman. I have learned that I find confidence by bathing in the love of Christ daily. Spending time in His word and in prayer gives me hope and strength to believe in who I am. Through prayer I ask Him daily for courage, wisdom and grace to be true to myself. And when I treat myself lovingly, not only am I a healthier and happier woman, but others respect me too.

So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. ~ Genesis 1:27