I Know God Loves Me, But Why Is It So Hard For Me To Love Myself?

“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” ~ Proverbs 4:23

A dear friend called me the other day and said, “this morning I had a melt down. I just broke down and started weeping, and didn’t even knowing why I was crying.” She then added, “I cried out to God and told Him that I know He loves me but that I didn’t love myself” Her words grieved my heart, because you see, my friend is precious in every way. I also felt a lot of compassion for her because I can relate to her feelings of unworthiness.

Loving ourselves doesn’t always come easily.

There’s a silent battle within us that we’re not usually aware of. There are two “voices,” inside us, and they are at war with one another. One message is from the enemy of our soul, satan. He tells us we are unworthy. The other voice is our Creator, God. He believes in us and tells us that we are complete and fully accepted in Him. Unfortunately, most of us believe the enemy’s lies that we’re not good enough, that we are unlovable. We need wisdom and discernment from God to be victorious.

“People don’t like you” is a message I’ve heard almost all of my life.

This deceptive seed was planted deep within my soul because of a trauma I experienced at the age of 12. It’s a long story, but basically someone started a rumor about me and one day I came to the lunchroom and sat down, like I did every day, with my “friends.” The minute I sat down, all 10 of them got up and moved to another table. I was confused and devastated. For 2 weeks no one spoke to me in school. I didn’t tell my parents or anyone about it, and began to internalize and validate the negative messages satan began feeding me. I didn’t have the confidence to know who I was. Instead, I blamed myself and felt immense shame and humiliation. After the 2 weeks, the girl that started the rumor confessed her lie and everyone apologized and embraced me again.

The damage, however, had been done, and I began to believe that I wasn’t valuable.

Even today, this memo gets validated in my mind, when I feel rejected by people in my life. When people treat me disrespectfully those feelings of unworthiness that were planted in me at a young age get reinforced. If I’m not careful, I can begin to slowly believe the lie again, that it’s my fault and that people don’t like me. When I’m facing a challenging circumstance with someone, I usually take it personally and begin to blame myself. I have to remind myself that my identity is not defined by how others treat me.

What’s the lie you are listening to?

You and I must learn to recognize the voice of the liar. He is the father of lies (John 8:44) and he tries to plant tapes filled with negative messages about who we are. The voice of the evil one feels authentic, but that’s what we have to learn to discern.

I’m 58 years old but I still at times struggle with loving myself. This is because I occasionally slip back to that little 12 year old girl that felt rejected and unloved by her peers, and I somehow allow myself to fall into satan’s trap of telling me that I’m not good enough. When I listen to his voice, I become insecure and it affects my relationships and my capacity to receive and give love to others. Mostly it robs me of loving myself.

My healing came when I finally saw myself out of Gods eyes.

I have worked hard for many years, learning the truth about who I am. Jesus Christ, His Word and the power of His Spirit within me have helped me tremendously. So have support groups and therapy. I’ve learned to base my self-identity off of what God thinks of me, and not people. God sees my heart, He knows my character, and He loves and accepts me just the way I am. I can learn to see and love myself the same way He does.

The voice of truth, God’s voice, helps us separate our circumstances from our identity.

Despite what satan wants you to think, your identity in Christ is always secure. God sees and knows you. He sees your flaws, your mistakes, your struggles, and He still calls you beautiful (Song of Songs 4:1). This is because God’s love is unconditional. He loves you with an everlasting love, which means His love for you will never change. We have to learn to receive and embrace His amazing love.

Whats preventing you from loving and accepting yourself?

Is it unforgiveness? Do you need to forgive yourself, someone else? Or maybe you need to speak God’s truths over yourself. That’s what I asked my friend to do that morning. I encouraged her to speak these words of truth, out loud, over her life. You can declare these truths over yourself too:

“The creator, the God of the universe, calls me beautiful, and He loves me. He sees me and He knows me. He sees my imperfections, my struggles, my character defects. And yet He accepts me. I don’t have to be anyone else or live anyone else’s life. I am beautiful just the way I am. God calls me His masterpiece and because He never lies, I choose to believe Him.  He has a good plan for my life. I am His beloved and He is mine. I give my life to Him this day and I will embrace His love for me. He has written a beautiful love story, uniquely for me. I give Him my life today, and I will trust Him.”

So, how about you? What lie are you believing that is preventing you from loving yourself fully, and more importantly, what are you going to do about it?

The Bible tells us to “humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come close to God, and God will come close to you.” (James 4:7-8)  Take ownership for your own well-being and decide to resist those lies that satan tries to plant in you, refusing to receive them again. Get close to Jesus and make it a habit to validate yourself through Him. If you need professional help, please don’t hesitate to seek out a good therapist.