Singleness Is Good. Marriage Is Good Too.

“Wherever life plants you, bloom with grace.” ~ Unknown

The desire to want to get married is a natural and healthy one. Lately however, I’ve been realizing that there is a a great misconception surrounding marriage – that marriage is the goal we each must reach in order to be a complete man or woman. People even say things like, “where’s your other half?” implying that two individuals are halves that become whole once they are married.

I’ll be honest with you, until recently, I thought this way too. I learned this false belief from my East Indian upbringing. In India, it’s every parent’s goal to make sure their sons and daughters marry, no matter what (hence why arranged marriages are a part of the culture). This assumption, however, isn’t common only to the Indian culture.

Many believe they need another person to complete them.

Recently, after some rich conversations with single men and women, I’ve had a change of heart on my thoughts on singleness and marriage. I’m learning that being single is a matter of perspective, and that mine, like many others, has been warped.

The life of singleness is not inferior to the life of marriage.

Being single or being married are both filled with challenges and with joys, and both are a gift from God (1 Corinthians 7:7). Some of the challenges of being a single person are: loneliness, jealousy, feelings of rejection and abandonment. Marriage has it’s own battles too, such as difficulty getting along, putting someone else’s desires before your own, communication issues, etc. It’s safe to say that neither being single, nor being married, is necessarily better or easier.

There’s a subtle message from society that marriage is the answer to a joyful and fuller life.

Admittedly, don’t we often get more excited for those that are dating, getting engaged and married, than we do for a single person’s life? Isn’t it true that we look at a man or woman in their 30’s (or older) but not married and we feel a sadness for them? Or we make assumptions of a possible defect in their character? We can often feel jealous of those that have found Mr. or Mrs. Right, consumed with worry or fear of when/if we will find the right one. The flip side of this can also be true – I have spoken with many singles who are genuinely enjoying being single yet feel shamed or invalidated by others for their singleness.

 Singleness, like marriage, is a gift from God.

The problem is that our perception is wrong. We mistakenly believe that marriage is the pathway to bliss. What we ought to be focusing on is making the joy of Jesus our delight. Can we be content with the purpose God has for us? Trusting that you are where God wants you to be? Being satisfied with your singleness will depend largely on what you believe about marriage. If we, like most of the world, believe that until we’re married we are “missing out,” then we will never be fully content.

Changing our perspective on being single begins by changing the way we think about being married.

Singleness is good! Marriage is good too! Every one of us was created in God’s image. We came into this world with a unique purpose (Psalm 139:13-16). We can trust that it’s a good plan too.

Your value is not based on your marital status, but on your creational status. You are a child of God’s whether you are single or married. Your life as a single person does not need to be defined by waiting until you find “the one.” May we all learn to live as the Apostle Paul who says in Philippians 4:11, “Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have.” 

Have dreams and pursue them. Find joy and fulfillment in rich friendships (including your family and the body of Christ). Pursue a life to please Christ and make disciples for Him and His kingdom. Bloom where you’re planted, knowing that both singleness and marriage are good, good gifts from your Heavenly Father.

“Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.” ~ Matthew 6:33