“Motherhood is a million little moments that God weaves together with grace, redemption, laughter, tears, and most of all love. Trust Him. Hold tightly to Him. And be brave enough to let God write the story of your child’s life.” ~ Lysa TerKeurst
Motherhood is a calling, a privilege and an honor.
I am grateful to the Lord for having been given such a gift, and not once but three times. Being a mother to my three children has been one of the biggest joys of my life. I would, however, be lying if I said I delighted in every moment of it. Raising children is hard. It is a selfless job, which is what makes it so challenging. Having to constantly put the needs of others before your own is a stretch no matter who you are.
As you raise your child, your own mothering style will develop.
For me, raising my three children was my full time career. I chose to be a stay-at-home mom and have never felt more satisfied. Now that all three of my children are young adults, I feel very grateful to be enjoying the fruit of my labor. I praise God for each of one of them as they have grown up to become caring, wise, God-fearing and people-loving individuals.
In honor of Mother’s Day, I felt led to share some tips on how to direct your children onto the right path, so that when they are older, they will not leave it (Proverbs 22:6). I’m certainly no expert, but I can share my experience and offer strength and hope.
1. Discipline Discipline Discipline
God’s Word, in Proverbs 13:24, says, “…Those who love their children care enough to discipline them.” It isn’t easy to discipline your cute little precious ones. However, it might be easier to do so if you understand that you’re doing it for their own benefit.
We had strict boundaries with our children right from the beginning. It wasn’t fun and it wasn’t easy, but somehow we managed to stick to what we had declared was a house rule. For example, when they were infants we began a bedtime routine that included, bath, bottle, read a story and lights off. Lights off meant lights off. I’m really grateful that we did so, because it gets harder to reign them in the older they get.
The teenage years (junior high through high school) were the most challenging because these are the most rebellious years. They are, however, the most critical years as well. A child at this age will begin to make very important choices. Peer pressure brings with it a lot of temptation. These years are also the most difficult for parents, as many want to be their child’s friend. I strongly believe that at this point in a child’s life you cannot be their parent and their friend.
There is a season for the friendship you desire with your children – when they are young adults.
When our kids became teenagers, we were told on numerous occasions that we were “the meanest parents on earth” and that they “hated” us. Naturally, it hurt a little. I mean what parent wants to hear harsh, unloving words like that?
Nevertheless, my husband and I stuck to what we felt was right for us. For example, we were not comfortable with our kids staying the night at the homes of families we didn’t know well. It was no disrespect to the other family, but rather what we were not at ease with. Moreover, we learned that sleepovers are really “wake-overs” since no one sleeps all night. The kids would be exhausted the next day which led to an unproductive and grouchy day. Therefore, one of our boundaries was “no sleep-overs.” Occasionally they were allowed to, but only if we knew the homes they would be sleeping over and if there was nothing important going on the next day. We were lovingly (or un-lovingly) called “the sleepover nazis.”
Another very important boundary we had was that going to youth group was not an option. I owe this important boundary to my pastor at the time. One day he asked me how come our children didn’t come to youth group. I told him that they didn’t enjoy it and felt uncomfortable there. He then asked me, “who is the parent, you or them?” and then added, “coming to youth group should not be an option but mandatory.” He was right. Your teens youth group may not be the most comfortable, and you may, like us, need to try a few different youth groups before you land in the right one. But honestly, the youth group all three of our children attended was one of the most powerful tools God used in growing their faith. Some of their closest friends today come from that group of teenagers.
2. Communication Communication Communication
One of the legacies that my dear mother passed on to me is that she always kept communicating with us, even when we didn’t want to talk to her. I did the same with my children. When they were growing up (and even today), I asked a lot of questions. My philosophy was that as long as they lived under our roof, we had the right to know what was going on in their lives-who they were hanging out with, if there was supervision where they would be hanging out, etc. Again, this wasn’t easy. I think it’s natural and normal for teenagers to want their independence. The key is to prayerfully figure out the balance between allowing your child to be independent while also pushing them towards healthy communication, even when they may not feel like it.
Listening is a very important part of healthy communication. Pay attention to what your child’s communication style is and learn to discern what they are really saying. You may want to read my blog post “7 tips on raising your kids up in the ways of the Lord” to get some tips on communicating with your children.
3. Love Love Love
And this is the most important tip to directing your child onto the right path. . . love your child. Love him/her authentically. Let them know that you (like God) discipline them because you care so much for them. I was a strict momma for sure, but I’m pretty sure each of my kids would tell you that I was also a very loving mother.
Pray for your children every single day. Pray specific prayers for them. The Lord wants you to bring Him into raising them.
When the time comes, somewhere between college and after, let them spread their wings and fly. They will always need you, as a friend, a mentor and/or a confidante. This is when you will really enjoy your hard work. This is where I am today. The hardest lesson for us mothers to accept is that precious little baby that you carried for 9 months and gave birth to was never yours, but on loan to you, from God the Father. They belong to Him first. You have been called to raise him or her in the ways of the Lord so that they can grow up and carry on the legacy you passed on to them.
So, these days I’m learning to let go of “my babies” as I hold on tightly to my Heavenly Father, trusting Him with their lives.
This Mother’s Day may you take a minute to soak in the fruit of your prayers, your labor and your love as you look at your children. You are a valuable treasure to God and to your family.
“Her manner is beautiful,
her life wonderfully complete.
She’s the very tree of Life to those who embrace her.
Hold her tight—and be blessed!” Proverbs 3:17-18 (The Message)
Very well written, but even more incredibly well lived out. You genuinely loved raising our children and fully harvested the Mother Nature God planted within you.
Thank you for “sMothering” our beautiful children!
Thank you Will. I was born to be a mama! 🙂
The tips you gave are so right on. Saw how you never fail to discipline even when they tested you as young as they were toddlers. Your prayers are the greatest gift to them and our Heavenly Father always desire to answer the prayers of a godly mom. You excel in your role as a mother and a role model for many including me.
I am humbled by your kind words Jessica. Thank you. I feel the same about you. You were my inspiration to be a godly mother. 🙂