“There can be times we believe things should be a certain way and they are not, so we think God is not blessing us when, in fact, He is.” ~ Stormie Omartian
Have you ever wanted something so desperately, that you pleaded with God for it? You were counting on Him to give you your heart’s desire. You were confident that He would be faithful to His promise from Psalm 37:4, which says, “Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart’s desire.”
Surely God would answer your prayers favorably because, after all, you love the Lord with all of your heart.
But your prayers were not answered in the way you hoped. He didn’t give you your heart’s desire. In fact, other people in your life receive the very thing that you were asking Him for. Broken, you can’t help but ask “Why Lord“?
It’s painful when God doesn’t answer your prayers in the way you hoped He would. Unanswered prayers make us feel neglected by our Heavenly Father.
It hurts when we know that nothing is impossible for God, and yet He doesn’t give us our heart’s desire.
The devil won’t waste this opportunity, and begins to whisper subtly to your heart, “God doesn’t love you. He doesn’t want to bless you. Many will allow themselves to believe this lie.
However, nothing could be further from the truth.
Looking back on the times in my life when God didn’t give me my heart’s desires, I can now see that there was always a good reason.
I have learned that when God doesn’t give me my heart’s desire, there can be three main reasons.
1. He is protecting you.
God is omniscient, which means He is all knowing. Psalm 139:16 says, “You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.” He knows when there is some danger ahead, or if something is not good for you.
I remember when our daughter tried out for the Poms dance team as a Freshman in high school and didn’t make it. She was so upset, as were her father and I. We had prayed and believed that God would bless her in this way. Besides, she was talented in this area.
Later we found out the ethics of this team did not match up with our values. Clearly God had protected our daughter from possibly going down a destructive path. Moreover, because she didn’t make the Poms team she decided to participate in Orchesis, another dance team at the high school. By her senior year she was voted in as president of Orchesis. She would have missed this blessing had she made the Poms team. God knew.
2. He is refining you.
God’s ultimate goal for our lives is to grow us in His likeness. In 1 Peter 1:15-16 we are told “But now you must be holy in everything you do, just as God who chose you is holy. For the Scriptures say, ‘You must be holy because I am holy.’” He cares mostly about developing our character. His desire is that we become the man or woman He created us to be. He also wants to use us to advance His Kingdom here on earth.
This is why it’s important as a Christian to always keep an eternal perspective on our situation. God sees the big picture and is more interested in building you up to reach the destiny He has for you.
3. He is testing you.
God is a jealous God and He won’t share your affections with anything or anyone else (Exodus 20:4-5). He wants to be your first love and whenever we are tempted to take Him off the throne of our hearts, He will assess your love for Him. I wonder if He just wants to know that we genuinely love Him more than we love to get our heart’s desires.
If something or someone has taken God’s place in your life, He will “fight” to get your full devotion back for Himself. When we value anything more than we value God, we have made that “thing” our god. This is called idolatry. Even our heart’s desires can become an idol.
Most of us learn from our times of lack rather than our times of plenty. It is through life’s setbacks and heart aches that we learn to fully surrender to our Creator.
If you let Him, God can use your disappointment to grant you the greatest blessing in life-a rich and fulfilling life in Christ.
When you let go of your own heart’s desires, and give Jesus full reign over your life, you begin to experience the rich and satisfying life, the abundant life, that He died for you to have (John 10:10). Through this step of faith, you will learn that all you need is His presence to have a fulfilling life.
Author Max Lucado says, “ “What I have in God is greater than what I don’t have in life.” This is a powerful truth.
God’s ways are higher than our ways. His thoughts are not like our thoughts (Isaiah 55:8). We, therefore, have to walk by faith trusting Him in the midst of our disappointment. He has a plan for your life, and it’s a good plan. He is a good God!
Also keep in mind that since God is sovereign, you are actually sinning when you resist His will and insist on your own (Luke 22:42). You honor Him when you accept and are content, with His plan, His will, for you.
The next time you find yourself struggling because God isn’t giving you your heart’s desires, know that although it may look like the Lord isn’t blessing you, He is actually giving you the biggest blessing- the blessing of living a life where you are becoming all that God created you to be, and the blessing of a life walked in intimacy with Him.
If you are going through a challenging time right now, wondering why God isn’t answering your prayers, I encourage you to persevere and keep trusting God. Ask Him to give you discernment to understand His perspective, and courage to surrender your own. Rest in His Word to find comfort, guidance and truth.
Most importantly, know that God is greater than anything you face. He is with you always, and you can put all your hope in Him. Through prayer, release all your burdens at the foot of His cross, all the while abiding in His love for you. Practice self-control as you work through your emotions. Reign them in as you release your own longings to an all knowing, loving God.
God may not give you your heart’s desires in the way you had hoped, but you can count on Him doing what is best for you.
As you wait on the Lord to get you through your trial, may you be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer (Romans 12:12).
I leave you with song writer Garth Brook’s words from his song “Unanswered Prayers.” One line from the song says, “some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.” To this I say Amen.
“Then I pray to you, O Lord. I say, “You are my place of refuge. You are all I really want in life.” ~ Psalm 142:5
Photo 1 Credit: Unsplash/Sunset Girl
Photo 2 Credit: Unsplash/Lee Scott
Tweens, WOW this really spoke to me, especially the refining part. Thanks again for your Godly words and wisdom! Love in JESUS, mary
Grateful for you Mary! Glad my words could speak to you. 🙂
Great word. Needed to hear it. Thanks mama Randall!
Love you Rachel! Thanks for your continuous encouragement!!! 🙂
Beautifull written! This paragraph below, particularly the last sentence is burned on my brain now. Guess because I long for quality, one on one time with people and rarely seem to get it. Now I know why, because He wants to be the throne of my heart, not some(one or thing) else.
When you let go of your own wants, needs and desires, and give Jesus full control over your life, you begin to experience the rich and satisfying life, the abundant life that He died for you to have (John 10:10). Through this step of faith, you will learn that all you need is His presence to have a fulfilling life.
Thank you sister!
Elizabeth
Hi Elizabeth, again you bless me with your kind and encouraging words. Thank you for being such an encouragement to me and my writings. You are a gift to me. God bless you sis!!! 🙂
Thank you for sharing on how we can view situations when God says ‘no’ to us. If we can be OK with not getting what we ask it simply makes us more content with life. Godliness with contentment is great gain. As we delight in Him more our desires will tend to match more and more to His desires. Great sharing.
Dear Jessica,
Thank you for your comment. I love that you added 1 Timothy 6:6 (Godliness with contentment is great gain). We all need to learn to be content with what He gives us and trust Him with what He chooses not to. And you are correct that as we delight more in Him, our desires and His will line up. Love you sis! 🙂
I have to disagree with several points
Um his presence is all you need for a fulfilling life ?
I can’t agree . This alone is not enough and where in scripture is your opinion supported . I understand you may think this but this isn’t absolute
When you let go of your own wants etc does one acutely experience this ?
Not everybody feels this way
This is your opinion and I respect that
But did God say this ?
Hi Kathryn. Thank you for taking the time out to comment on this blog post. I can understand why you would disagree with my comment on Jesus’s presence being all we need for a fulfilling life. We need food, clothing, shelter and our basic needs met, or we would be in physical want and not be satisfied. What I meant by this comment is that we need Jesus in order to have deep joy in our souls. The truth is you could have all those basic needs met and still feel unfulfilled. God has given us all that we need for life here if you are a believer of Jesus Christ. There are many Scriptures that point to God’s presence being enough for us. The Apostle Paul talked often about Christ being all he needed in Philippians 3 and 4. Some more Scriptures you could read are 2 Peter 1:3 onwards, John 15, 2 Corinthians 12:9, to name a few. Here’s a link for you to click on for more of God’s Word on this topic: https://www.openbible.info/topics/god_is_enough.
Also, by the way,I write my blog posts from my own personal experiences.
Again, thank you Kathryn for commenting. Please let me know if I can further assist you. God bless you~ 🙂
Hi, I am in my late 50’s and have wanted a wife to love for decades….. I have tried many things suggested by friends and others all to no help…. I have had patience and trying to understand Gods ways, Still can’t get the woman I should have for a wife. What is your words in this for me and others who have no one, but ……..
Hi Brad,
Sometimes understanding God’s will for our lives can be very challenging. When we don’t see answers to our prayers we can get discouraged and even wonder where God is and/or why He is silent. I don’t want to pretend to have answers, because I don’t. There are many things this side of Heaven that none of us can understand, but we, as believers, are called to continue believing in a good God. His ways are higher than ours. I encourage you to keep praying and talking to Him about your heart’s desires, but pray with a surrendered heart trusting Him. I hope this helps. Proverbs 3:5-6 comes to mind…
Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
do not depend on your own understanding.
6 Seek his will in all you do,
and he will show you which path to take.
Hi Brad,
I found this link which speaks about being single and waiting. I too am single and have been waiting, I pray that this will give you some perspective on this. You may need to copy and paste it into the address bar.
http://www1.cbn.com/singles/does-god-really-give-us-the-desires-of-our-hearts
As an encouragement, I believe we do not sit back and wait for a spouse from God. Look at what Ruth did in the Bible. She got out in public where she could be seen by Boaz. Her actions led to a marriage proposal. Both men and women were created with this desire in us by God. We don’t have to give it up in your either or scenerio. Praying for guidance and discernment from God is helpful. We do not have to turn ourself into puppets as much of this advice suggests. Filling people with guilt
as if free will is always sinful to exercise,
not making a single move expecting God’s will
to be crystal clear and obvious. Life is not that way. Besides, God ordained marriage and his plan for marriage is for everyone. He wants the benefits of marriage for everyone. What changed was the church’s position on it. Pursue a spouse with confidence and expection. And it is not a sin to do so.
Hi I too am in a perpetual state of disappointment with God.. I look at my life and if it was my choice I never would have given me this I would’ve had better.
I have been waiting on God for 17 yrs to provide a husband, use me in ministry and 13 yrs of fighting to get my son back to the states so we can be a family.. I have been to hell and back more times than I care to remember, been to one crazy church after another and all that has happened is I’ve gotten older and now I doubt God.
I’m tired of the churchianity crowd bc their way is in short death. I’m disappointed with God and so disappointed at my life I’ve thought of ending it.. but I’m not going to.. the real truth is, God doesn’t care about everyone, he doesn’t bless those who do pursue him, the dishonest and greedy ppl who feign Christ are honored. I’ve wasted my life and gotten nowhere waiting on God.. I’ve nothing but sorrow and disappointment.. the lies of church ppl saying God has a purpose for you.. kept me down n in places I didn’t belong.. I have been so desperate to be used of God I’ve turned to begging him and all it is is crickets.. today yep I’m mad as heck with myself for being duped and God for not bringing my son.. the holidays are coming and another year my son is not here.. what the heck is all this for anyway?
First of all, thank you for being so brutally honest and open. I am sure that many would be able to resonate with what you’ve shared here. I too have had moments where I wrestle with doubt, wondering where God is and if He is truly going to answer my prayers and give me my heart’s desires. I’m learning a lot about what a “blesssing” really is. They are a matter of perspective. When I don’t see my prayers answered, I have to believe (by faith) that there is a GOOD reason for it. If I am going to define God’s goodness by what I need for Him to give me or do for me, then I’m missing the mark. God’s goodness is in my salvation. This world is not my home. I’m not to be attached to anything of this world. It’s hard, in fact nearly impossible, to live completely surrendered like this. But here’s the conclusion I’ve come to for myself (and may it be an encouragement to you)…if I don’t make my life about Jesus, what do I have left? What I mean is that I have lived without Christ as my Lord and Savior, and it is awful. I never want to live without Him. I would rather live a life by faith, believing and trusting in Jesus Christ and His love, mercy and power than to live without Him. I find that when I choose to live surrendered, submitted, believing in Him, I am more peaceful and filled with hope. But I have to call upon the help of the Holy Spirit constantly. I absolutely cannot live the Christian life in my own strength. I heard my pastor once say “Take care of what is on God’s heart and God will take care of what’s on yours.” Mathhew 6:33 confirms this. Following Christ is no easy task and many end up giving up. I pray that you won’t be among them. May you keep fighting the good fight of faith, as you surrender yourself, by the power of the Holy Spirit, completely to His Lordship and leadership.
I’m sorry I didn’t leave my email but I guess I like the anonymity of the internet. I do appreciate your post and you sharing God’s word with others. I know everything that is in your post. Deep in my heart I know. But I have been single for a long period after a loveless marriage. I’m trusting God but it’s been a decade of painful lessons. Nonetheless thank you for your reminder. I am truly grateful.
I was raised in a devoutly Christian home, my schooling was a Catholic convent. I used to have such faith people asked me if had won the lottery. I lost my faith with the endless misfortunes in my life and now, at nearly 60, I have been alone for 20 years, been homeless, living in my car for several months, been so broke I had to collect McDonald’s stickers in the hopes of a free coffee or something to eat.I suffered for years with hemophilia, I have a brother who has spent a lifetime abusing me. I have been threatened, stalked, harassed, defamed when I raised money to get out of living in my car. Every step I have taken to help myself has taken me deeper into a personal hell and I have had to overcome every obstacle alone, with no one to lean on, no one in my corner and certainly God never did anything for me. Is this the plan this loving God set out for me? Are those poor women living lives in hell in Syria, is that the plan this loving God set out for them? I do believe now in destiny and that is depressing because no matter what I do, where I go, I am clearly destined to a life growing old broke and alone. As I write this, I am having a mental breakdown from the years of stress, failure, hardship and poverty. I’m well educated with an IQ of 125 but I have failed. This is only the tip of the iceberg of misfortune. It goes on and on and on. My mind can take no more. People commit suicide because of God’s ‘plan’ for them. If believing helps people, power to them. I think it’s all a delusion now. People justify why this God doesn’t appear to answer prayers. It’s a delusion. After a lifetime of believing, I see that now. There is no being ‘out there’ and anything omniscient is not a he or a she. There is no gender but we call God ‘he’.
I enjoyed your page and I am sure it brings much hope to many so that is always a good thing.
Peace
Hi Mariah, first of all I want to thank you for taking the time to leave me a comment. Secondly, my heart aches for all the suffering you have had to endure. I can understand how you would feel the way you do. God feels like a “delusion,” a god that doesn’t answer prayers. I’m sad that you feel this way. I have been through a lot of suffering myself. I’ve faced different trials than you, but my pain is just as deep. What I have learned is that if I don’t have a faith in a higher power, Jesus, then I have nothing. I am left hopeless, bitter and in despair. I would rather BELIEVE and walk by faith until I see a breakthrough. My prayer for you is that you would go back to your first love and believe He loves you and wants to help you. God can’t help us if we don’t do our part. I pray you will find a strong bible preaching church and find strong Christians that would be Jesus’s heart to you. I know there are many churches that are empty wells…my prayer is you find a “real” church. May you be open to His amazing love for you. He is with you and will never leave your side. May you sense His presence in a new and fresh way. I’m praying for you sister.
Hey there Tweeny, indeed stumbling over your page is one of the beautiful blessings and answered prayers in my life. I really wanna know how to deal with things especially when God does not answer my desires. Yes, just like other people out there, I have my pleas before God. However, I wasn’t so sure how to handle my situation if God won’t give them to me. After reading your thoughts and God’s Wisdom, I became so enlightened. Truly, the best way to live life is to surrender in His loving arms and will. I thought it’s gonna be easier said than done. But right now, it is easier to let go and let God. I feel God’s peace in my heart and I am not also not scared to tell God about my desires. I believe that everything happens for a reason whether or not He gives me what I want. By the way, I am starting to apply your points and have been listening to Garth Brooks, Unanswered Prayers.
Thanks a lot once again for being a living blessing. May God multiply whatever you have in His goodness and mercy to bless more people like me.
– Vee, Philippines
My husband and I have done foster care for about 4 years, with the intention of adopting. We have had 4 foster children, all who have been returned to their parents. Of these 4 children, 3 have been removed by CPS again from their families mostly due to drug use and child endangerment. It is heart wrenching to know that we want so much to provide a better life for these children but they are instead put back into an unstable, often dangerous environment only to be put back into foster care once again. We don’t know why God has not answered our prayer concerning these kids we love. We are currently fostering a little boy who we, of course, hope to adopt, but we fight against getting our hopes up, knowing what the outcome has been before. These four years have been gut wrenching and fraught with prayer, and sometimes pleading, clawing and scraping to change the outcome, which of course doesn’t work. Sitting back and waiting have been difficult. Its easy to let the anxiety of constantly knowing this child you love could be taken at any moment, take over and at times it has. Being ok with whatever God chooses to do, is something I have to ask for daily.
Then there are many of us good single men out there that were really hoping to meet a good woman to settle down with since many of us never expected to still be single and alone today unfortunately. Since the women of today have really Changed from the good old days when love back then was very easy to find with no trouble at all which it certainly was a very completely different time back then that made it happen. Now i can see why our family members were very Blessed in those days since they really had it easy when it came to finding love with one another, and many of our family members are still together now even as i speak which is very amazing. Too bad that God never made women today like the old days which many of us good innocent men out there would’ve been all settled down by now ourselves.
This article is great! Thank you!
I am going through a very tough season of loneliness and depression. My questions are, if everything we have in God is greater than everything we don’t havr
E in life, then why do we even have desires and blessings in life anyway? Why does God give others what we desire (ie a spouse, a passion, a direction in life, perseverance, etc). I see others having these things and I hear soke Christians preach a doctrine of an “if you want it you make it happen” kind of a thing. I simply cannot make these things happen.. I am fundamentally broken. I can’t even survive waking up and getting out of bed unless I am at peace and know there is meaning in what I am doing. My life feels tasteless and void. Im unable to even try new things and bring myself out of this because I feel so broken. I dont know what the root of this issue is. It might be emotional trauma. But it is hard for me to believe that what we have in God is greater than 100 percent of our desires. The Bible also says, “a longing deferred makes the heart sick”. There comes a time where after enduring the same cycle for years, something has to give and i grow tired of praying the same things over and over. It makes me feel like my prayers themselves are wrong. That I am thinking wrong and I dont know how to reason my way to peace. I just have to keep telling myself “Gods got this”. But i get attacked with the same feelings of helplessness and theyre easily triggered and rob me of my joy.
I want this cycle to end. I dont want this to be the case for the rest of my life.
I read your words and all I can do is cry while I read because I’ve been a Christian my whole life and God forced me to wait until I was 38 years old to get married and now he continues to force me to wait for the children I’ve desired for more then twenty years. In my heart I can’t fulfill his commandments of being fruitful and multiply if he doesn’t give me children. And I don’t know how to be completely happy in him if he says no I may never recover from it. I have learned that even trying to live life the way Gods word says to live doesn’t mean he loves you enough to give you your hearts desires. I despise the verse that says he will. I’m angry because to me having children and raising them in God’s word is the greatest job a woman could ever ask for and I can’t help but feel like he is keeping me from it. I know I still have some years to have kids but not many and that breaks my heart like nothing ever has and my husband and I can’t even talk about it because I shut down and fall apart because he’s ok if he never has another kid because he’s been married before and has a twelve year old son already so he doesn’t understand the pain of feeling like your not good enough for even God to give you your hearts desires. I don’t know how to not feel like I’ve failed at life because of it and I can’t even control when or if God will even give me a child but if I’m ever officially told no I can’t have kids then I don’t know if I’ll recover or ever love God again. That is my broken heart.
Hi Jenny, I feel you, honestly, without going into details my situation is extremely similar and I honestly know the depth of your pain, I have cried so often and so much and sometimes the mere existence of those who have children can make the pain worse. Trust me I know how bad it can be and also how hard it can be to always act cheerful like everything is perfectly fine when its not. However I would tell you to not lose hope and to trust in God. I know this is a vague thing to say but let me give you an example. This morning I was obsessed because I was thinking I wanted 4 kids, and was just putting it heavy on the Lord that this was my desire and now it was impossible and giving him grief about that. Well later I was taking a break for lunch and I fell upon a random video of channel I never watch and I truly feel the Lord led me to it. It was about a 46 year old woman who got pregnant after desperately trying for 15 years. I truly knew in my heart right then that nothing is impossible to God and that the best thing you can do is to stay calm, serene, joyful, loving, obedient and accepting. Just complete surrender to God no matter what, he is greater than your desire to have children. Just trust. Every single day just trust. Every day every moment is a battle against yourself to the better thing, to rise above your pain. Its the only answer the Bible gives us and the Bible is the only good place in my opinion to find spiritual answers. I don’t know if this helps you but I truly hope so and I will pray for you. Take refuge in God and make sure to trust in him.
how i wish Sarah [Sarai who was married to Abraham] could have heard a journal where she expressed what she went through on a daily basis. This could have been the greatest addition to the bible. Sadly we cannot fathom what she went through. i am broken and i don’t think i can be repaired, Sarah i wish i could have met you, shared in detail what you went through, the challenges you went through considering that you were married to a chosen men but still didn’t have it all. When God promised Abraham that he will be the father of nations and yet he couldn’t even plant the seed in Sarah. She didn’t have the fertility, i can imagine she felt worthless, betrayed, disgraced. Maybe she felt she was a hindrance in Abs future, destiny and desires. What could she have faced ,the gossip from the people. I am broken at this moment but Sarah got her happy ending, i hope you will too.
Then what is the need of prayer?. even my love one ditch me i should not pray to get back her, when i am dying i should not pray..right? because jesus know everything.so why should we tell our desire of heart? If jesus loves me he will never allow me for crying since 2 years for nandita..do your father take away anything from you without which you can not live? without which you will die? i always dream of nandita i and y mom live happily together love each other most.. so even they die i cannot put my desire before god’s will right?
sorry to talk like this but mam i am sicking jesus all time but my subconscious mind tell me at the end that jesus even jesus cannot bring you back nandita. and i will die soon without her,,
now tell me what should i pray jesus? you may say jesus will give you a good life partner but mam without mom and nandita my life is nothing