The Empty Nest Syndrome

As our last child – our daughter – graduates from high school and prepares to leave for college, I find myself having a lot of mixed feelings as  I realize that soon I will be an empty nester.

On one hand I feel a lot of joy because I am so proud of her accomplishments and for the young woman of God she has grown up to become. And yet I find myself feeling a lot of sadness too as I face the reality that I am entering what seems to be a quieter season of my life.

It is also hard for me to let go of what I have loved doing for so many years – being a full time mother.

The other day I was talking to our eldest son about my feelings and he said something that gave me a lot of comfort. He said “Mom, your role as a mother is not ending. It is evolving.”

He is absolutely correct.

Facing the reality of being an empty nester soon doesn’t have to be something to dread. It can be embraced with a new and positive perspective (Tweet this).

Here’s what The Mayo Clinic staff says on this topic: “Empty nest syndrome isn’t a clinical diagnosis. Instead, empty nest syndrome is a phenomenon in which parents experience feelings of sadness and loss when the last child leaves home.”

It helps to know that it’s very natural to feel a sense of loss at this time of transition. You are losing your role as a parent as you have known it.

There are, however, some ways to ease this transition. Here are some points that can encourage you and I on how to handle the empty nest syndrome:

1.  Allow Yourself To Feel

Changes, even good changes, are hard.

Never ignore your feelings.

During this time of becoming an empty nester allow yourself to grieve.

You may be grieving the loss of the family life as you have always known it, or a loss of purpose. But whatever it is, give yourself permission to feel it.

2.  Rejoice in your Accomplishments as a Parent

There is a lot to celebrate.

A child graduating from high school is something to be proud and grateful about. Make sure to enjoy this season too.

Also make sure to praise God for how your child has grown into a unique and special individual.

2. Think About You

It’s time to do some soul searching.  Now is the time to dig deep and ask yourself what your passions and interests are.

Think about things like joining a bible study, taking on a hobby, joining a small group, and/or finding a job.

3. Plan Ahead

After you have thought about what you may enjoy doing, be proactive. Take the necessary steps you need to take for your future plans.

4. Be Positive

So much of life is your attitude towards your circumstances.

Look at this season of your life in a positive way.

Life is so short – enjoy each moment of it.

Believe that there are good things ahead for you and for your family.

Trust God with your life (Psalm 25:1-2a) and be excited for what He has planned for you.

5. Redefine Your Parental Role 

Start to think of what your new role with your young adult children will look like now. Discuss it with them to see what their needs may be.

Talk about setting up a regular time to talk on the phone and/or meet, if possible.

Let them know you want to respect their individuality, but that you also want to understand how you can best connect with them.

6.Find Support  

Intentionally reach out to others that are – or used to be- in the same boat as you. There is no better encouragement than from people that can relate.

If you are married, it is a good time for you and your spouse to re-connect. Make sure to discuss what each of you are going through. It may be different for each partner.

Be specific on what your needs are at this time.

Your husband and you can be iron sharpening iron for one another.

Part of being a good parent is accepting that a natural part of life is letting go of our children.

It’s normal to feel emotional about your parental role changing. It is, however, important to keep in mind that this role is not gone, but is just evolving.  It’s going to look different, but it’s not disappearing.

As I wrote in a previous blog post,  “Let Go and Let God Momma“, our children have always been God’s first, and have only been given to us on loan for God’s purposes. Our ultimate goal needs to be to train our children to spread their wings and fly… to leave home and to grow into young men and women of God, fulfilling His plans for their lives.

It’s time for you and I to fill up that empty nest with newly defined relationships with our children. May our bond with them transform into a mature, strong and deep friendship that lasts a lifetime.

May you allow the Lord to guide you, give you wisdom and comfort you through this season of life. And may you walk in His peace as you trust Him.

Please leave me a comment below on what you think may be helpful for the empty nest season of life.

 

But I am trusting you, O Lord, saying, “You are my God!”  My future is in your hands. ~ Psalm 31:14-15a