Characteristics Of A Healthy Marriage

Marriage is a beautiful union between a man and a woman if the two individuals are submissive and committed to do it God’s way.

In the twenty four years I’ve been married, I have married the same man twice. We were never divorced or remarried legally, but our marriage came to the brink of divorce and we were separated for eighteen months. It felt like a divorce and a remarriage.

Our separation forced us to take a hard honest look at ourselves, as individuals as well as a couple. In our case, our separation saved our marriage.

It was Jesus that saved our marriage, but it was also because both, my husband and I, made the choice to reconcile and therefore stay committed to our marriage covenant made before God.

Marriage was designed by God.  God created a man and a woman to become united into one as husband and wife  (Genesis 1:27 and Genesis 2:23-24).  For Christians, marriage is more than an earthly relationship, it is also symbolic of the relationship of Jesus and His bride, the Church (Ephesians 5:21-25).

It’s interesting that the Bible opens and closes with a wedding. It shows that God highly values marriage  (Genesis 2:18-24 and Revelation 21:2).

Although no marriage is perfect, all strong marriages have similar characteristics which contribute to making the relationship healthy.

So what are the characteristics of a healthy marriage?  Here is what I have learned (through counseling and from the Lord) and believe are the top 5 essentials for a strong marriage.

1. Be an Effective Communicator

Good communication is the foundation of a strong marriage. Knowing how to express your feelings effectively is one of the keys to a having a healthy relationship.  In fact, most marriages fail because of a breakdown in communication.

When my husband and I started counseling, learning how to communicate with each other was one of the first things our counselor taught us. Neither one of us were even aware that we were bad communicators.

We learned that one of the keys to healthy communication is to lead a conversation with your feelings.  When I start a conversation with what I am feeling it helps my spouse not feel blamed or shamed.

We also learned that part of being a good communicator means being a good listener.

Learning to have better self-control was also a big part of communicating well. We had to learn to become more aware of how we said something (tone of voice), as well as what (words we use) we were saying.

This may seem simple, but making sure it’s a good time and place to talk is an important part of healthy communication too.

Another component of being an effective communicator is to be able to express clearly and specifically  what your needs are.  Always remember that others can’t read your mind.

Learn to talk through your issues with your spouse. If anything is unclear, ask for clarification. Don’t assume or project.

2.  Be Understanding and Selfless

Many marriages fail due to one or both partners being selfish and/or lacking in understanding.

We are born self-centered and learning to think sacrificially does not come naturally for most of us.  However, for a successful marriage, couples must strive to understand their spouse more than wanting to be understood.

When we live to please the Lord rather than self, we strengthen our marriage.

Philippians 2:3-4 is a good Scripture for a marital relationship. It says, “Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.  Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.” 

An effective way of being understanding is to know and accept your partner’s shortcomings. Your spouse is not perfect because no-one is perfect.

Form a habit of extending grace towards your spouse. It is an invaluable discipline for a healthy marriage.

When you feel hurt by your partner learn to discuss the matter swiftly and honestly. Do not carry an offense against your partner-ever. Carrying an offense against your spouse will turn into resentment and bitterness and this can be very damaging to a marriage.

Never keep secrets from your spouse.  Being accountable and honest is critical to a healthy marriage.

3. Be Committed to Jesus and to Each Other

The absolute most important characteristic of a strong marriage is having the attitude that you are committed to your marriage covenant no matter what. This is especially valuable when the marriage may be struggling. 

If your spouse and you are determined to stay devoted to each other there will be a sense of security and strength within your marriage. 

When my husband and I made the difficult choice of working through our problems and staying committed to each other we knew it would be a lot of work. Although it felt intimidating at times, our strength came from knowing that we were in this together.

Your husband and you ought to have the confidence of knowing that you are on the same team.

It takes two to have a relationship, and I am so very grateful that we both were willing to chose the more difficult path.

We were not only committed to each other, but during our separation we had individually opened our hearts to our Savior, Jesus Christ and committed our lives to Him.

Once we put Jesus in the center of our individual hearts and our marriage, things began to straighten out in our relationship.

Bringing Jesus into your marriage the way God intended it to be is the secret to having a healthy marriage.

The wisest thing you can do to help your marriage be strong and healthy is to walk in an intimate, personal relationship with Jesus.

The Bible has all the answers you need to be the husband or wife God created you to be.

Study it daily.

Learn about Jesus’s character.

Strive to be more like Him.

4.  Be Committed to Prayer

Never minimize the influence of prayer in your marriage. Your prayers can move mountains and transform lives.

Always remember to pray for your spouse and for your marriage.

Prayer is actually one of the most powerful ways you can love your spouse.

My dear brothers and sisters, spiritual warfare is real and we need to fight for our marriages.  One way we do this is through our prayers. This is especially critical in marriages where only one person is following Christ.

Pray for God to protect and strengthen your marriage.

Pray daily and ask God to show you how you can be the wife or the husband He wants you to be.

Most importantly, invite God to rule in your marriage

5. Be willing to Seek Help

Finally, if your marriage is struggling don’t be afraid to seek help. I encourage you to find a good Christian marriage counselor.  In addition to counseling, find another Christian couple to call upon for support and accountability.

Today my husband and I have a new marriage. It is Christ-centered, other-centered and committed. It’s far from perfect, but my husband and I are daily working towards living a life that follows God’s design. And quite honestly, what we share as husband and wife is beautiful, with it’s challenges. It is worth all the hard work.

Building a strong marriage may seem intimidating and some days you may feel like giving up.  May the Lord give you the wisdom and encouragement to persevere. It will build your godly character as you learn to love like Jesus loves.

Most importantly, you will be honoring God.

Your marriage is worth it (Tweet this).

 

Please leave me a comment below on what your top essentials of a healthy marriage are.

Photo 1 Credit: Getty Images

Photo 2 Credit: Getty Images