“Sometimes we subconsciously judge and categorize people and forget to accept others because they are different” – anonymous
How you are raised and your distinct life experiences shape your own personality and perspective on life that is unique to you and you alone.
We have all been raised uniquely. Our family’s culture and traditions play a strong role in shaping us and consequently we each grow into adults with our own set of values and experiences.
It’s our differences that makes the world go round. Everyone is unique.
Too often, however, we project our background and experiences onto others as a measuring stick to what is right or wrong.
We struggle with accepting that not everyone responds to life the same way we do.
Some grow up in a home with a lot of sarcasm and humor and others with none.
Some people are raised in homes that are very private, while others experienced a more open environment.
When it comes to celebrations, some people are raised celebrating an event with great gusto and some more quietly.
For example, I grew up in a family where birthdays were a big deal and always celebrated with great enthusiasm. My parents would have a big party which included a five course meal, an extravagant cake, games, and dancing.
My husband, on the other hand, was raised celebrating birthdays simpler. They would celebrate with a family dinner, cake and a gift.
Does this mean my family did it right and my husband’s didn’t? or vice versa? Absolutely not. It just means we were different.
Often, however, we believe that the way we were raised is the right way. This type of attitude is dangerous and will cause a lot of problems in a relationship.
Learning how to understand and accept the differences you have with others is part of how we connect with others (John 13:34-35). For example, I used to be offended when my husband did not make a big deal out of mine or our children’s birthdays. Now, however, I accept that he celebrates birthdays differently than I do.
If you don’t have an accepting attitude towards the traditions and upbringing of others you won’t be able to relate well with others, And if you cannot relate well with others, you won’t be able to have healthy relationships.
If you struggle with accepting others because they are not like you, here are some points to consider:
1. Don’t misinterpret people’s actions but rather try to understand where they come from.
Sometimes this can be a cultural difference.
Sometimes it can be a personality difference.
Sometimes it can be differences in our family traditions (ie.how we celebrate birthdays, holidays, etc.).
The key is to be understanding and accepting of others. If this is hard for you, ask God to help you.
2. If someone is different than you, it doesn’t make them a “bad” person.
Often when others are unlike us we we judge or criticize them, taking their behavior personally.
There can be a subconscious expectation that others should be just like you. Expectations almost always lead to resentment and resentment builds up bitterness (Tweet this). This is something we have to always guard our hearts from.
Try not to judge another person’s uniqueness. Judging others is very displeasing to the Lord and there are severe consequences for it (Matthew 7:1-5).
Try not to shame others when they don’t make the same choices as you do.
The bottom line is when we project our own set of experiences and values on others it leads to disunity, disharmony and disruption in our relationships. I believe this grieves the Father’s heart. He wants us to accept each other in love (1 John 4:7-8).
Believe in the goodness within others. Be sensitive, compassionate, kind and tolerant towards the individuality of another (without compromising your faith).
God wants us to always live in peace with others and to live harmoniously (Colossians 3:15). In order to do this you and I must learn to have an open mind and heart towards those who react, respond and behave differently than us. We must die to our flesh and allow the Spirit within us control our minds (Romans 8:6).
Leave me a comment below on how you handle those that are different than you?
“Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.” ~ Romans 12:18
My dear sister,
I really needed to read this ! And I must confess I have done way too much “projecting” rather than “accepting” ! I often have let my upbringing and family traditions drive the expectations I have of others – and then allowing negative feelings such as resentment to set in. Reading this, I am able to identify the “root” of certain expectations and this will help me improve my acceptance of differences. I thank you again for delivering such powerful messages with scriptures and enabling me to positively grow my relationships. God bless you Tweeny !
Dear Pinch,
I’m so grateful that my words could encourage you. Thank you for being so vulnerable and honest here. It’s very challenging to take a hard look at ourselves and it takes humility to do so. It’s also the first step in changing ourselves and making ourselves better people. I’m proud of you to be willing to take that step. I love you my brother and I’m praying daily for God’s best for you. Keep looking to Him for everything you need. He loves you and He wants to guide you and refine you. 🙂
Now that I have been here longer than in my birth place, I have lost most of my original culture. My family and friends who are from my country give me a hard time for switching. I think cultures shows variety, beauty and molds identity. I have things in my house that tell people where I came from but more importantly I hope to reflect who I am in Christ. Your message reminds me that we are all different even from family to family who are in the same culture and I need to accept more than project. Thank you for this message of how God wants us to treat others. It is convicting and I want God to change me on this.
Dear Jessica,
I love what you shared about how moving and living in a new culture has molded you. You definitely reflect Jesus to the world around you. You radiate of Him. I’m so grateful for you in my life. Thanks for always pointing me to Him and thanks for supporting my writings. I love you~
” Often when others are unlike us we we judge or criticize them, taking their behavior personally.”
This was convicting to read this. thanks for listening to His spirit and sharing this.
You hit the nail on the head in talking about expectations. placing assumptions on people is unfair and have been a stumbling block for me.
I think when I silently judge or criticize someone, I’m living by the law instead of by His grace.
Dear Elizabeth,
Thank you so much for sharing so honestly here. I think most of us, if we are honest with ourselves, judge and/or criticize others that are not like us. Living in God’s grace isn’t always easy and we have to always remind ourselves of the grace He has given us. The first step to change is admitting that we need to change. I love that you are willing to do that. Blessings~ Tweeny
Great thoughts, as usual. Indeed, expectations can lead to disappointment and frustration and anger and resentment, which can lead to bitterness. I used to struggle a lot with unrealistic expectations. Adjusting our expectations can change our lives.
Dear Arlene,
I’m so grateful for our friendship. Thank you for always taking the time to comment on my blogs. It means a lot to me. You are right on when you say that adjusting our expectation can change our lives. I too have had quite a journey in this area. I use to live in constant turmoil, grumbling about one person or another. And it was all because I had unrealistic and high expectations of them. Thanks again for commenting here. Blessings~