Has your heart ever been broken in so many pieces that you knew you would never be the same again? Have you ever been victimized in such a way that it left you filled with nothing but rage and hatred?
Your loved one gets killed by someone that was texting and driving.
You find out your husband has had an affair with someone you are close to.
You lose your job because a co-worker lied about you to make themself look better.
You find out your child has been molested by the care-taker you trusted them with.
The examples above are but a few real life stories of where the roots of deep hatred, resentment and bitterness begin.
I am sure you have your own story of pain and heartbreak.
Most of us have been a victim of someone else’s poor choices at some point in our lives. And most of us do not know how to release the poison of animosity we wrestle with internally because of the injustice done to us.
When your rage seems justified the command that Jesus asks of us to forgive and to love our enemies (Luke 6:27-28) seems un-thinkable, almost insane.
The truth is in our own human ability, we absolutely cannot forgive people that have hurt us so deeply.
It can, however, be done- only through the power of the Holy Spirit.
I know because I had to forgive my worst enemy.
I once hated someone so deeply that it scared me.
Praise be to Jesus Christ I have been set free from the deep affliction I felt towards my offender.
The hate also confused me because I love Jesus with all my heart. I also love people.
How could I love Jesus and others so genuinely and feel hate towards someone so strongly?
As humans, we have feelings and sometimes our feelings can overpower us.
As followers of Christ, however, we cannot allow our feelings to control us.
We must be controlled by the Spirit of God that lives inside of us (Romans 12:2).
When we hold on to unforgiveness we become like a prisoner- to our own selves.
The rage that we feel inside just tightens around our soul like a noose around our neck. It tightens with each bitter thought.
Our inability to forgive our offender becomes like poison to our very existence. 
I believe that is why Jesus commanded us to pray and forgive those who hurt us (Luke 6:28). He knew that we could not live in peace and freedom otherwise.
Please keep in mind that forgiveness does not always mean restoration of a relationship.
Forgiveness is a condition of our hearts. It is an act of worship to God.
So how do you forgive someone that has betrayed you, mocked you, broken your family up and/or taken a loved one away from you?
Forgiveness starts with prayer.
The very first thing you have to do is to submit your will to God’s will.
Simply say to Jesus “Lord I don’t want to forgive this person, but I know You want me to. I give you my will and I say that Your will be done, not mine. Please help me Lord.”
Do this every single day for however long it takes until your heart softens.
It took me four years of praying for my enemy. Nothing changed in my heart for four long years.
Be patient with yourself. Allow yourself to feel your human emotions. You may have every reason to feel what you are feeling. You have to go through the anguish to come out victorious to the other side.
Forgiveness is a process.
Just keep praying.
Pray through gritted teeth if you have to.
Trust God. He does hear your cries.
He will soften your heart, if you let Him.
Trust in His timing. It’s always perfect. At the right time He will show you the way to extend grace.
Another thing that helped me in extending forgiveness to my offender was the realization that God doesn’t measure one sin worse than another.
I found this so interesting. I mean, how could you possibly compare anger with murder? The Holy Spirit was showing me that in God’s perspective all sin is the same.
I began to realize that my sin wasn’t any less than any one else’s sin.
I began to understand how much grace had been extended to me.
Since Jesus has forgiven me of so much, I must forgive others (Colossians 3:13).
My heart was beginning to soften. It was through the power of the Holy Spirit that I began to understand God’s grace-for me.
It is not easy to extend grace to the person that has wounded you so deeply, the person you hate passionately- your worst enemy.
Forgiveness is a choice only you can make.
You have to choose to live a life surrendered to Jesus. It has to be a desire that comes from within you.
I could only forgive my worst enemy because I wanted to please my Master, my Lord- Jesus Christ.
And to be honest with you, I had became tired of living my life burdened with grief, anger, resentement, bitterness, rage and sadness.
Whoever has hurt you, whoever you feel you hate, they are not worth the suffering you are going through.
Begin the process of releasing them to God.
Take the first step towards your freedom.
Take the step of faith and begin submitting to the One that will take care of your injustice (Romans 12:17-21), the One that died on the cross for you.
Are you ready to cut your noose of unforgiveness?
Decide what kind of Christian you want to be…one that walks in the fullness of Jesus’s peace and power or one that walks burdened and defeated?
The choice is yours.
Leave me a comment below on your thoughts on unforgiveness. Have you been able to set yourself free by cutting the noose of unforgiveness from your heart? Why or why not?
“But to you who are willing to listen, I say, love your enemies! Do good to those who hate you. Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you.” ~ Luke 6:27-28.
Photo credit 1: google images
Photo credit 2: google images
Tweeny, thanks for sharing so beautifully from your heart as always. You have words of wisdom, of grace, and love, that can come only because you have chosen to follow Christ in every area of your life. You have captured the very core of true forgiveness, and of God’s command for us to forgive. Only He can soften our hearts in time, when we submit to Him. Because of your choice to willingly surrender to Him, His love, compassion, forgiveness, and grace radiate from your deepest thoughts. You are an inspiration, and I am so proud to be able to call you my sister! May He continue to bless you, and the words from your pen (keyboard!).
Sherry,
You are such a gift to me sister. God has used you to encourage me greatly on this new venture of writing that He has me on. Thank you so much for always taking the time out to bless me with your support and love. You of all people have been through it all with me. So I know you speak from your heart. Your affirming words mean more to me than you may realize. I had a great role model in you, Sherry. You modeled for me what walking with Christ looks like. Thank you for your faithfulness to Him and to His people. I thank God for you. I love you tons~
Tweeny
Dear Tweeny,
What a beautiful walk through this lesson of forgiveness. I pray many people will read this and draw closer to God, we truly cannot forgive others without the help of Jesus. I remember facing this kind of experience and it helped to meditate on Jesus suffering and his amazing words , “Father forgive them for they know not what they do”. Those are the words I had to extend for my enemy. It was critical because I realized Jesus carried all of our sins on his back through that torture, not just mine, but my enemy’s sins who had hurt me. With God’s words so clear on this topic of forgiveness and the realization that hurting people hurt others I was able to extend a supernatural forgiveness that did not come from me but God to my enemies. It helps me to think about how much that person’s heart and soul have been hurt that they would do something so evil to me. I realized I wanted to ask God to heal them as well as myself. It also helped, I am sorry to say, that praying for our enemies does not mean they will win the lottery. 🙂 Sorry, had to add that. 🙂 I love your heart Tweeny. You are God’s little princess. Thanks for always sharing God’s love with me and helping me run joyfully, sometimes limp, sometimes skip through this journey to holiness. May God continue to annoint your work and bring huring hearts to read your blog. You are a gift.
Dear Julie,
Thank you so much for taking the time to leave me a comment. It means a lot to me. Thanks also for your prayers for people to read this. I think unforgiveness is one of the biggest walls between God and man. I know you have had to extend a lot of grace to others in your life. It’s been a blessing to walk by your side through it all. You are right in that it is a “supernatural” forgiveness because it comes only from the power of the Holy Spirit. In our own strength we absolutely cannot forgive our enemies. I love your heart Julie. YOU are God’s little princess…His jewel:) You have been one of God’s biggest gifts to me. Thanks for always supporting and loving me. I love you lots~
Tweeny
Thank you Tweeny,
Forgiveness is freeing, I did pray for years and realized true forgiveness came when Jesus made it clear to me what I was forgiving…once I had that understanding, forgivness came freely.
Phyllis, I am so glad to hear that you have been able to extend grace to those that have hurt you. I know it’s been quite a steep hill to climb, but with Jesus you have won the battle. And you are right-forgiveness is freeing. I’m proud of you girl!!!
Love ya~
Tweeny
Good post. Love the way you share so personally. I believe prayer plays a huge role in forgiveness. I’ve found it nearly impossible to pray for someone I haven’t forgiven. If I start to pray for someone and find it difficult, that reveals a problem.
Arlene,
Thanks for the encouragement. I always appreciate your feedback. You are right, if we find we can’t pray for someone it’s a sure sign that something’s not right. 🙂
Great post Tweeny…this will touch many- thank you for sharing and reminding us to not ignore such a vital process for setting us free from past pains ! Love you !
Thank you Pinch!!! I’m glad you enjoyed it. Letting go of unforgiveness is a vital part of anyone’s growth and healing.
Love you too~
Tweeny
Hi Tweeny,
For me — the hardest to forgive is Christians … who KNOW better. I have learned, through the difficulty of forgiveness — that when we forgive, is when we are the most like our precious Lord. I think of how I have offended Him, and I CANNOT hold any transgressions that were committed against me! The best we can do, is forgive, and glorify our Lord. Thank you for your writing! God is using you!
Much love,
Julie
Hi Julie,
I agree with you 100% that it is so much harder with our fellow brothers and sisters that “ought” to know better. But I guess we have to remember that everyone is on the sanctification process at different stages. Grace is grace, whether it is extended towards a believer or a non believer. And you are right in saying that we are most like Christ when we forgive those who have hurt us the most. Thanks for encouraging my writing. It means a lot to me.
Love you my dear~
Tweeny