“There are two gifts we should give our children: one is roots, the other is wings!” ~ Henry Ward Beecher
I have thoroughly enjoyed being a mother to my three sweet children and have always taken my role as a mother very seriously. In fact , being a mother has been the most fulfilling and richest experience in my life.
One of the most challenging tasks for a parent is to let go of their children and trust God’s good plans for their lives.
For the first time in the twenty two years that I have been a mother, I will be in a different state than a child of mine. Our eldest son is moving across the country and even though he is twenty-two, it’s really hard for me to let him go.
I have discovered at the core of why I’m struggling to let go of my son is fear– a lack of faith. I have, subconsciously, been believing the lie that my children are mine, when they are not- they are God’s. They have always been God’s, and they have been given to me on loan for God’s purposes.
As much as we love our children, God loves them more.
This can be a hard concept for many parents to accept. We tend to believe that our children are ours when the reality is, they are a gift from God to us for a period of time, for His purposes.
As I prepare to say bye to my son, I am seeking God and asking Him to help me to let go of all fear and to help me trust that He is in control of my precious son’s life.
Although it is painful letting go of what I have held so close and dear to my heart, I know I must because God calls me to trust Him. Resisting my natural tendency to control is definitely challenging for me and without a godly perspective, I cannot endure the strong emotions I’m experiencing.
My job has been to teach my children the truths about Jesus and to raise them to be men and women of God, people of integrity. As a mother I have supported, nurtured, disciplined, taught and loved my children.
My ultimate goal needs to be to train my children to spread their wings and fly… to leave home and, Lord willing, create their own families. Henry Ward Beecher has said, “There are two gifts we should give our children: one is roots, the other is wings!”
My ultimate goal needs to be to train my children to spread their wings and fly… to leave home and, Lord willing, create their own families.
It is only by keeping my eyes on Jesus and on eternity that I can have peace in my heart as I let my son go. I have to remind myself that I am not just letting him go into a big dark world, but rather, I am letting him go into the hands of his Heavenly Father.
The more faith we have in God, the less fearful we will be and the more we are able to turn our children over to God. I must remember how God has never forsaken me before and that He has a good plan for all His children-including the ones I call “mine.”
By putting on my “God-goggles” and having an eternal perspective, I can have a better attitude about letting go of my child.
Please understand, I am not encouraging you to ignore your feelings of sadness and grief. In fact, I hope you would allow yourself to feel every emotion you may be feeling. What I am saying is to not get stuck in your feelings, but rather keep God’s promises in the forefront of your thoughts. I know for me, if I don’t do this I will get swallowed up by my emotions, and that can be a dangerous trap.
The most important thing I can do now that my “child” has left the nest, is to continue to pray for him. I pray for him to reach his goals and dreams and that he continues to mature in Christ to become the man of God he was created to be. May he always represent his Lord and savior Jesus Christ every where he goes. And may the Lord’s will be done in his life.
Being a mother has definitely been the most rewarding experience of my life. I am truly blessed to be a mother. I thank God for allowing me this privilege. And I am doubly blessed to have children that walk in the Truth, knowing Jesus Christ personally (3 John 4). This is my ultimate assurance.
How about you, what tips do you have for letting go of your young adult children? I would love to hear your experiences.
Tweeny,
I know the feeling of emptiness in your heart at this time….however it is not a good bye…more a spread your wings and show your colors! Hasn’t this always been our dream for them?
God blessed us as Mother’s with these precious lives to love, nuture and mold …..I feel it is God’s way of letting us know we did our job well when our children are strong enough in God’s love and ours, to leave our homes and persue God’s plan for them. Remember, God’s plan for us is happiness….it will bring joy to your heart as you watch your son grow and make his mark in the world. You will always be in his heart, as he is in yours …and he will always come home!
Dear Phyllis,
Thank you for your encouraging words and your love. Yes, this is what we have wanted for our children-to spread their wings and fly. I love how you said that you feel it’s God’s way of letting us know that we did our job well when our children are strong enough to leave. You are also right that he will always come home. I really appreciate your feedback. Also, thank you for supporting my blogs. Love you girlfriend~
Hi Tweeny,
Love the post and your reflections on this milestone in your life and Romans. Reading this I was reminded of how the blessed mother Mary must have felt and how she also focussed on God’s promises for her Son’s life. You like Mary are an inspiration to all Mom’s experiencing this letting go process. May you be blessed and find that when we give our utmost for his highest we can never outgive God. He is going to bless you and Roman and your family 10-fold and the world Roman has the opportunity to change as he ventures out to do Kingdom work. God bless, I am here for you sweet sister!
Julie,
Your words are wise and have really encouraged me. Thank you for sharing. The key is to focus on the big picture-God’s perfect plan. I love you~
Tweeny,
In church we have been learning about finding our part in God’s story. When I try to look at mothering in this perspective, it gives me joy to know my role as a mother is part of God’s story, how He uses me to nurture and train my kids to be bearers of His truth and light. Our part changes as they mature to adulthood and now is the time to stand back and show them we have confidence in them. However, they will still occasionally run back to us whenever they need a dose of motherly assurance and comfort. All the years I have known you I find that you carry that role very seriously and your reward is evident in the lives of your three children. I love you, sister, and you are an inspiration to many.
>ll<
Jessica,
This is wonderful! I never thought of seeing my role as a mother as a part of God’s story. It helps a lot to do so. Thanks for sharing my sister. I love you~
Tweeny,
I know, for me, I had to let go of each of my sons at different times. My son, Ted, I let go of when I dropped him off at college. I cried for about 2 and a half hours on the way home from Indiana. I thought that I was ready for the transition, but found out quickly that I was not. I was so strong saying goodbye to him, but after I turned to leave, the tears came quickly. With my younger son, Tim, I cried and cried after I dropped him off at the airport to spend a summer in Puerto Rico. I was so strong for him, but, after he walked through the doors at the airport, I broke. I continued to cry for about 2 and a half hours after arriving home to plant my summer flowers. I knew each time that I needed to let go. I grieved so much each time, but, I needed to go through the process. It was heart wrenching each time. I knew that our relationship would change and for that, I grieved. There comes a time when we have to take our adult child’s hand and offer it up to the Lord. For me, these two experiences were that time of giving them over. No longer am I the one they need to “check in” with. Now, they would need to “check in” with their heavenly daddy. He is the One who I trust their lives to. He is the One who tucks them in at night. He is the One who will discipline them when they go astray. He is the One who will comfort them when they are sad or lonely. I am free now to be a friend to my adult children. Our relationship is different. I am still crazy nuts about them, but, I am no longer the one responsible for making sure they brush their teeth. Although our relationship is different, we still share all of our memories from their childhood. In a way, we, as moms, are being freed up just as they are, to reach to those higher places as we soar on wings like eagles. We are all meant to fly! And, I always need to remember, there will be others who need mothering. So, our gifts will continue to be used to build up the body of Christ. We just won’t be “on” all the time in our own home anymore. I think that God experiences this grieving with us as we change and our relationship changes with Him. He, like us moms, wants to see His children soar and experience life in new ways so that we can grow. Although it’s difficult, God understands and knows what we’re going through. I think the trick may be in inviting God to help us to know His peace as we go through these transitions in our lives. I love the picture of you and Roman! What a blessing he is to you and your family. God is going to use him mightily!! You must be so proud of him! Way to go Tweeny!!
Thank you so much for sharing all this Patti. I really appreciate your openness and honesty. Roman just left about 30 minutes ago and it is harder than I thought and yet I feel the Lord’s peace which is giving me strength. You are absolutely right, we can use our mothering gifts to build up the body of Christ. I appreciate your wisdom my friend.Love you~Tweeny
Tweeny, I have had to let go of 4 children, and now it is my 5th child’s turn. With the first 3 it was easier because I still had alot of responsibility with young children at home. When my oldest daughter moved away last fall, I thought my heart would break. We are so very close. My son, who is 17, graduated early and will be off to college in the fall, another heartbreaker. I have learned these children are not mine, but His, and they need to serve where God leads them. People say, “well you still have 3 left at home,” which I respond with “each one brings a different dynamic to the family and each one’s absence is a hole in our family”. I so hear your heart and feel your pain. I have literally clung to God’s word and promises which draws me closer to God as a result! I have found our relationships change, but their relationships with the Lord have strengthened as they have had to let go of their parents hand and develop their own faith in Christ. I am excited and in awe of what He is doing and has already done in their lives!
Kristen,
Thank you so much for sharing your experience here. It was so encouraging to read what you said, especially the part where you said “Each one brings a different dynamic to the family.” This is so true! It’s the most challenging part of being a parent-letting go.
I also loved how you said that their faith was strengthened as they let go of their parents hands. This is the transition into adulthood isn’t it?
Again, thanks for sharing.
God bless you~
Tweeny
Thanks Tweeny, for your godly perspective on “letting go” of our children at these milestones in their lives. What JOY in Roman’s face! Isn’t that what we mothers live to see? Oh I remember, there were tears when our oldest went to college out-of-state, and more when he went out of the country…And there were tears – of joy, again – when he left our family to begin his own. But your words are most helpful to me when I think about our daughter. Leaving her behind when we relocated out-of-state is something that can still let doubts slip in about God’s plans for her…but when I line up with His truths as reminded in your blog – the promises in His Word – and remember He is the author of her life – I am assured that He is always with her. Thank you, dear sister in Christ.
Thank you so much my sweet sister for sharing your heart here. I actually was thinking a lot abut you lately as we let go of Roman. I was remembering how far away your son went (out of the country) and about your separation from your daughter. So I really appreciate you sharing here. You are right, He is the author of their lives and He always has been. I love you my dear friend. Tweeny